Social Media and Divorce: 6 Things You Should Never Do
Divorce is a difficult time. A relationship is ending, items are being divided, money is being spent, and maybe you even have kids in the middle of it. It is your goal to get through the process in one piece. A fear that almost every client has is going to court and being cross-examined by your ex’s attorney. Your attorney is there to protect you, but there are some things that your attorney cannot protect you from on cross-examination. And one of those things are your own words.
Social media, whether that be Instagram, Facebook, Twitter (X) or even Reddit, are public statements by you and are free game to be used at a hearing. Clients are often surprised at what the other attorney has dug up from a comment on someone else’s post, to something posted on a private account; everything on the internet is public no matter what settings you have. Here are some tips that we tell all of our clients going through this process.
Never bash your ex. This one seems simple, right? Never, ever, write anything bad about your ex on social media. The Judge is always looking to establish the character of each person to decide who is reliable and trustworthy (i.e. who to believe in a dispute). Having posts saying horrible things about your ex is a surefire way to have a Judge not trust you.
If you have children, this is one of the worst things you can do. In Colorado, one of the factors Judges consider when deciding parenting time is whether a parent can “foster love and affection” between the children and their ex. The first piece of a evidence an attorney is going to use against you is the post you made last week saying your ex is a horrible parent and you just wish they would leave you alone. Of all the mistakes clients can make in a divorce, this is the number one way a client can ruin their own case.
Follow niche accounts. Pay attention to complaints being lodged by the other side. Are they claiming you have a stache of guns that is worth a lot of money or that make you a danger to the children? Unfollow the NRA. Are they saying that you hate all men and are never going to support a Father/Child relationship? Unfollow all the “lazy man” or “man flu” accounts that post memes you just love. Consider what your ex is always saying about you and edit your accounts for any proof they could use to support their position.
Never post case details. Divorce cases can be long, emotional, and expensive. It is so tempting to let off some steam by railing against the system or your ex, or even the Judge, online. Judges value discreetness, and posting case details can ruin your chances with the Judge. It also could result in rulings against you. Perhaps there is a dispute about a piece of property and you have gone off on a tangent on your Instagram Stories about this piece of property. Everything that you said is now admissible as evidence in Court. You never know when something you say could be used to support your ex’s position and not yours.
Do Not Post Pictures of Vacations or Spending. While we normally are free to share details of our latest vacation, or a photo of our newest car or tv, the middle of a divorce is not the time to do that. Divorces are often centered around money: who gets the money, who gets the debt, who pays what in maintenance or child support, why a certain party should walk away with a certain asset, etc. By posting about a new purchase or a recent vacation, you are proving for the other side that you have disposable income. Even if you were not the person to make the purchase, for example your friends took you on a vacation to alleviate the stress of a divorce, the optics are that you had money to spend, and therefore you had money to share.
No Party Posts. This one is a challenging one because it is certainly in the eye of the beholder. However, when it comes to parenting time Orders, you want to appear to be the most wholesome and safe version of yourself. While a night out at a bar with your friends was never objectionable during the marriage, it may all of a sudden be the most offensive thing you can do in the middle of a divorce. Allegations regarding the money spent on alcohol, the company you keep, or where you were at a particular time can all be made during a cross-examination. Keep those photos or location tags to yourself until after your case is closed.
No New Relationship. No matter how long the relationship has been over, do not post photos of you with your new significant other. This is almost always inflammatory to your ex and can be used against you in a myriad of ways: where you’re spending your time, where and on whom marital money is being spent, even how seriously you are taking the divorce. While the end of your marriage certainly means you are free to move onto another relationship, it is best to keep it off of social media until your divorce is final.
Having decades of experience, Palmer Family Law has seen all of the pitfalls of social media during a divorce. While the list above is extensive, it certainly is not exhaustive. Our firm’s goal is to help you through this process with dignity, respect, and the least painful cross-examination possible.